He’s Changing Me

by Hope Sewell on April 5, 2011

in faith

Do you need to change??  I’m not talking about a makeover or change in your appearance or apparel.  I’m talking about a change of heart and attitude that will lead to a change in behavior.  So, do you need a change?  I certainly do!  I have a tendency to give in to my fleshly desires and just be rotten on some days….especially if the circumstances are not what I’d like for them to be.   But I also have a tendency to give in to fear, anxiety and depression as well.  You can hear part of my story by clicking HERE.  This recording is from March 2009.  I’m not sure what all I say here and I’m not going to listen to myself tell my own story (hate hearing myself!!!).  But I know it is a very brief recounting of some of my struggles.  I think it’s around 10 minutes. 

I am going somewhere with all of this I promise!!  Even though I no longer have moments of hyperventilation in the corner of my closet as I did 5 or more years ago I do still feel the pull to give into my fears and anxiety.  Let me just interject here that if you deal with depression and anxiety seek help.  It’s readily available.  I chose the Wiregrass Hope Group (334) 793-5433.  Also, I chose not to take prescription anti-depressant drugs (although they were offered from my doctor).  I, personally, never had a peace about doing such.  In my own situation, I wished that my solution would be as easy as taking a pill but I knew deep down that drugs weren’t the answer for me.  My issues were due to built up anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and a lack of knowing who I am in Christ.  But I am 100% positive that prescription anti-depressants have their place.

Anxiety is a daily battle for me.  And I would so not be surprised if God has allowed me to have this struggle just so that I can learn to walk in victory.  Does that make since?  I shared a little bit of this at church on Sunday but I’m going to share it again here…so, sorry if you are getting a double dose.  πŸ˜‰  Plus I can think more clearly when I’m writing compared to speaking off the cuff….I so stink at that!! 

But I think we forget, as believers, that we are at war CONSTANTLY.  We are constantly fighting the world and the ruler of this world.  He wants to see us devastated, destroyed and dependent on him.  And we are also constantly fighting against ourselves.  That’s the part that I think we forget the most.  Every moment that we breathe we have a choice to make.  To give in to our self and sinful nature (that would be my anxiety, depression, fear, selfishness, anger etc) OR to walk in freedom and victory. 

This whole thought process came to me recently when the children and I were working on school.  As we’ve gotten closer and closer to the end of the school year they are checking out on me more and more each day.  Lately it has been a struggle to get them to focus and concentrate on what it is that they need to be doing…plus I’ve been getting a little attitude from them as well.  And this mama don’t tolerate attitude.  πŸ˜‰  So one morning we started off by praying that we would have good attitudes about our school work and do everything to the best of our ability.  The moment I said “amen” and “get out your math books” I’m answered with sighs and groans!!  I was so frustrated that we just prayed that this would not be the case and here we go starting off with bad attitudes.  At that point I started to lecture!  “Are you kidding me???  I know I don’t hear attitudes coming from y’all!!  We have just prayed for good attitudes and let me tell you, Jesus has already done His part!!  You’ve the the ability to have victory over a bad attitude….now it’s up to you!!”  As I’m saying this….with a raised voice I might add (I had so had it!!!;)  A huge mirror appeared right in front of me.  I too have the power to have a good attitude and CHANGE my behavior!  Psalm 44:4-7 says, “You are my King, O God; command victories for Jacob.  Through you we push back our adversaries; through Your name we will trample down those who rise up against us.  For I will NOT trust in my bow.  Nor will MY sword save me.  But you have saved us from our adversaries and You have put to shame those who hate us.”  I have quoted this verse at least a thousand times in my moments of battle.  We HAVE the power to change!

My anxiety has been creeping back in on me lately.  I think it’s partly due to stage of life and everything we have going on and also some spiritual warfare.  BUT no matter what the circumstances are, victory should always be my end result.  Some days I win, some days I lose and some days I don’t feel like fighting at all.  And it’s those days that make the enemy smile. 

Monday I had some majorly overwhelming things to handle.  What’s overwhelming to me may be peanuts to you.  πŸ˜‰ But there was a lot on my plate and many opportunities for things to fall apart.  I was standing in my kitchen feeling all anxious and like I was about to lose it.  And I prayed, “I don’t want to go there today.  I don’t want to fall apart.  I want to have a good day.  Please God help me do this.”  (there was a little more to it than that but that’s the gist of it) In that moment….does God ever sing to you??  He speaks so often to me through music….but in that moment He sings this song to me,  “for Your power at work in me, is changing me.” (You can here it in it’s entirety by clicking HERE) And right then and there I made a choice, a choice to trust God and refuse to fall apart.  And like magic His peace and presence fell over me and stayed for the rest of my day.  He didn’t remove my difficulties to deal with!!  I dealt with them all until late late but I did it in peace and with joy.  THAT is victory!!  He’s changing me!!  It took Him only a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars (and if you’ve studied the solar system lately…WOW what an awesome work He did in those 7 days!!) but He is going to be working on me until I either go to meet Him or He comes to get me.  And it wouldn’t surprise me if He quickened His return just so He wouldn’t have to deal with my crazy self!  πŸ˜‰  But in the end what an awesome piece of perfection that reflects His glory I will be.

Psalm 42:5 why are you in despair O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.

Psalm 42:8 The LORD will command His loving-kindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.

I will praise Him because He is changing ME!!!  And take heart, He can change you as well. 
And I can’t post a blog without pics so here are a few more things that have changed!  πŸ˜‰

Tobin in 2007

Ruthie 2007

This, I hope never changes.  πŸ˜‰ R and T in 2007

Lilly @ 3 months

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